~~I am so ready to CHOKE someone~~
So first let me explain...We as a family decide we are going to go OUT for dinner, all 4 of us...we needed to take Aubrey to get knee pads for volleyball so after that we thought we would get some dinner. It has been a while since all of us have been anywhere together...Aubrey is always at the cottage, volleyball, expressions of silence of off with her buddy T:) So we thought Yeah some time together!
We decide to go to BOSTON'S...(HORRIBLE IDEA) Walking into horrible loud music, TVs going, not just one or two, they had at least 5 HUGE TVS...a zillion people in the bar...then you had all the people in the restaurant. I could already feel the tension and NO ONE had even looked at the menu. Aubrey threw her hearing aid on the table...Madie turned hers off...and I was searching for the nearest BEER list! The waitress comes over and immediately asked her to turn down the music...she even had to lean into me to catch my words...15 minutes later she came to take our drink order, she of course asks Aubrey first...and Aubrey says huh, what? I then sign to her asking her if she wanted pop, milk water or what..Then we have to go over what kind of soda they serve....Finally get that down. Then we move to Madeline, pop, soda, water....and of course she said she didn't know what kind of pop they had to we had to AGAIN go over what the choice was...Then Frank, he made it easy...NOW it was my turn...OHH thank goodness, "I would like vodka/cran DOUBLE from the bar" she says "can I see your ID..SERIOUSLY, lady I have two kids ...do I look 12? "forget it, I will have a diet coke with lemon" Ordering was IMPOSSIBLE, they were out of the soup...everyone wanted, then they had no more of the special..(which was spaghetti something that looked oooo so very yummy) so we had to pick from pictures and reading...I was so looking forward to going home to hide under my bed..ALONE~~
~~You see, restaurants are a pain in the butt! they are loud over stimulating and NOT hearing aid friendly! Part of my frustrations is....Frank, bless the mans heart. He loves his family more then life itself, but he just forgets to sign. As any father would do...he just forgets, and being a man, he struggles BIG TIME. But by the 5th huh, what??? I am about ready to blow. I am the mother, the one who takes care of everyone and so feel like I am letting down Aubz...I am trying to make EVERYTHING...EVERYONE work for her! I am trying to be super mom, and I am failing! So then after I try to nonchalantly say to frank "honey she needs the sign" he then tries and Madie corrects him...and he feels like a ass.. I am so overstimulated and irritaded I am ready to blow...Oh, I forgot to tell you...my sandwhich, the mayo tastes like old wine..NASTY GROSS, so i just decide to share with Aubrey.
I am not even in a space to explain today at the audilogist either...I am tired, cranky and ready to go turn off my brain! Will write more later:) or tomorrow

Good Monday Morning...
~~Phew made it through another weekend! As I sit and drink my Monday morning quad shot of coffee I figured it was time to write a update of the winans family!
Madie got her hearing aid back on Friday evening...YEAH, I was shocked at how quickly it came back from repair. In Missouola with a certin audie it was always two and a half three weeks out, ALWAYS! Whenever she has a day of school without her aid, Madie comes home expressing what a horrible day it was...it's so hard to keep up in the second grade world with half a ear:) This morning was a breeze~~the audiologists Secretary made Madie a special box for her aid at night...put a sticker on it and even another sticker with her name! yeah. I also learned that the dry aid kit is not something that we need to use EVERY NITE, it is more for summer or when she has been active and it needs a place to "breath" I was under the understanding that EVERY night NO MATTER what that is where it had to be! its amazing the different things you are told when you switch audiologists.
~~Aubz had a great weekend, last week her MP3 player finally died, she was absolutely LOST, so bummed out. Music is something that gets Aubrey through the day, it sooths her spirit. That is the one thing, well one of the things that has her the most upset with this loss of hearing. The music has slowly faded. It's interesting to see what she does so she can enjoy a song. We had gotten her the Taylor Swift CD for Christmas. Learning the music takes about three days for Aubrey. She will go online and get the words for the music play the song ...match everything up. YouTube has been instrumental, so many times there you can find the song you are looking for that someone has already signed. So she will watch listen and read to get it all down pat! For Aubrey, that is OK. She is used to it, and it is second nature for her. I sit back and think...WOW, what a AMAZING thing. do people realize what some do for pleasure? So anyway back to my story, we ended up buying Aubrey a IPOD, knowing, or so we have been told that the IPOD can directly hook to her implants (when that happens) and she can LISTEN to music in a whole different aspect! but also for now, she can still get something out of turning it up way loud doing her YouTube and enjoying a song! I watch her and take everything in .... and APPRECIATE so much deeper!
~~I keep looking at Advanced Bionics to see if the cochlear is available...daily I find myself looking at the website...ugh, I feel like a kiddo counting down the days till Christmas~~soon, soon soon.....
Hope everyone has a AWESOME Monday.

I really really need to be better about posting. I have set this up for a place to me to vent but also I think it is so important for us as parents to be there for one another. For me to offer my advice or give you what I am doing....maybe something will help. My heartache is for a reason. I truly believe that. I have a tendency to be very loud and opinionated but it is for a reason. Trust me, walk a mile in my shoes....then you will understand! I have struggles just like you, I get mad, I scream just as loud! Trust me....we were put on this earth for a reason:)
~~So we had a appointment at the audiologist today......She wanted to check in and see how Madie was doing with her new hearing aid. Last month we got her a Naudia...and WOW, such a difference. Madie is so used to the power, the boost of loudness...and with this one it is taking some time to adapt but it is working more on clarity then loudness. All in all I think it is going to be great!
Our other issue was..... the cat got the hearing aid. I am so at a loss on how to help my kids be responsible hearing aid users:) We have the dry aid kit...we have the string...we are doing everything in MY power to make sure it is put to bed at night! I think I need to start a chart of some sorts...something to get Madie and really Aubrey too...to get them interested. I will say AubZ is way better then she was a few years ago. I think age has something to do with it....but Madie, ughhh. I know there are so many of us parents out there that have this same issue. Heck send me ideas...I would love to hear!
I made some phone calls today, looking for some bigger ticket items for a raffle or a spaghetti feed for Aubrey's benefit. Hoping someone out there will want to help me out with that. We have been blessed with people depositing money in the "benefit for Aubrey Winans account" which is so awesome. I just really feel that more can be done! So again if anyone has ideas<>
Thanks everyone for loving us....its not easy at times, I do know that. But it is important that we have your love and support! Everyone needs a friend!

•°*”˜˜”*°•.¸☆ ★ ☆¸.•°*”˜˜”*°•.¸☆
╔╗╔╦══╦═╦═╦╗╔╗ ★ ★ ★ ೋღ❤ღೋ
║╚╝║══║═║═║╚╝║ ☆¸.•°*”˜˜”*°•.¸☆
║╔╗║╔╗║╔╣╔╩╗╔╝ ★ NEW YEAR ☆ 2011
╚╝╚╩╝╚╩╝╚╝═╚╝ ♥￥☆★☆★☆￥♥ ★☆

~~A new day, a new week a new month~~
This year is going to bring AMAZING things to our family! It definetly has been a really hard year...But what we have wanted for the past 2 years was to be in Great Falls with Aubrey, so be able to tuck Aubz in at night, I wanted to be able to hear about her day every day...I wanted to experince things daily with her....being in Missoula...I had to read about those things over text messages...or when i had a video phone call with her. So I am so thankful to be here, under on roof, togeher as a family! As hard as it has been to move to a new city, to leave friends behind...and to settle into a new enviroment it was worth it!

Today is a good day!

~Afternoon~
You know there are some good things that I am going to point out about having a child with a hearing loss...
~I love the fact that I can vacuum whenever I want. Even if it is late and the kids are in bed, ha I can still get it done
~Whenever someone calls late or says what time is too late to call, my response is...oh don't worry about waking anyone up in my house. Unless it is a telemarketer, then i give them the Allie MUMMA wrath:)
~You know how when you have little kids and there is a thunder storm...HA I don't have to deal with crying scared kids...(more Aubrey then Madie) but they get to see the awesome lightning and don't have to deal with the scary thunder sound! I will admit there have been times where if it is a really loud BOOM it may scare Aubz...she feels the electric storms:) I am sure her hubby will be so thankful. I told her the other day<>
~the shower...in our house we have a 7 minute rule....Aubrey gets away with longer of course. She locks the door (doesn't hear us knocking) and the timer HA means nothing to her!
~~Today I am grateful for my children and the path that we are ALL walking together. It is hard as hell at times, and there are a lot of judgemental people out there and I don"t deal well with that! People who think they can do it better or people who think their way is the best. I say......we are all in this together, no matter what mode of communication we choose, hearing aids or cochlear implants or just being deaf with no assistance. We need to support one another. It doesn't hurt to offer advice, but we need to be there for one another! some days are hard for me, honestly many days are hard for me.....the one thing i can guarantee you is that i will NEVER sugar coat any of my path, my feelings or my thoughts. I am who I am.
~~~Looking forward to Monday...we go see Kelly (our audiologist) for a hearing test on Aubrey's left ear, again she feels that once good hearing aid we got in Denver is no longer what it was! since that left ear was a borderline candidate for the implant....if it has gone down more....it is very possible we will be doing bilateral implants. Which is overwhelming in its self....but it is OK! I am sure one day soon I will be a wreck thinking about it, but today it is OK!!

12-28-2010

Good Morning Good Morning...
~~Well been checking out the advanced bionics website... www.hearingjourney.com and looks like there is no news to report! this really is a minute by minute thing. We have to wait for Advanced Bionics to work with the food and drug administration. The one awesome thing about AB is that they are not willing to put their product back on the market until they know for sure this is fixed. The other thing is, AB was not forced to recall, they did it as a volunteer thing. That shows me that the integrity of this company means something. There are two other options for a cochlear implant...but honestly the research shows that Advanced Bionics has the lead. One of the other choices has maxed out...where AB is only at uhm I want to say 38% so there is a TON of room for upgrades or improvement.
~~Waiting is stinky, as everyone knows I am NOT a patient person. Imagine me times 12. That is how Aubz is, she is so looking forward to this new day. It is better then Christmas mom, this is the best thing that will ever happen to me:) I agree...hearing things she has never heard....and other things that she once heard but now cant. This will be AMAZING.
~~Since we were in Denver and Children's hospital gave us that loner aid, things have gone down hill. Aubrey feels that what that "awesome"aid once did...no longer it is powerful. We go back to the audiologist on Jan 3rd for a repeat hearing test on that left ear! Maybe we need to dual implant....ughhh that was to fast. I was hoping that aid would last us at least a year. ANYHOW...lets wait to see....chin up and good happy vibes to AubZ.

D-PAN: Waiting on the World to Change