Well today is Sunday afternoon and we are so ready to go home! We miss Madeline and Dad so very much! As much as the Ronald McDonald House is AMAZING and so wonderful, it is NOT home:) These people here are one in a million, everyone has a different story and it is as unique as a zebra print! The one thing that I have really learned is we as people need to show more compassion, we need to reach out more! everyone somewhere is having a bad day...a bad moment... We don't know what is going on in their lives, and who are we to judge. That almost sounds funny~~coming out of my mouth, because I know I have a strong attitude and opinions...But something in the last few weeks has blossomed inside!
~~~~~Before i go on to chat about Aubrey...please send hugs and loves and healing thoughts to DENVER, the Children's hospital, and the families who have such heavy hearts!!~~~~~~
****We went to the Denver Zoo yesterday and truly it was a day that I will never forget! just the excitement in my daughters eyes, sharing such a fun filled day. We also had crazy Moe girl come from Texas her wonderful boyfriend Jason and Mama Moe to share the ZOO experience with! Once I get home to MY computer I will post more pictures, and the few videos we have, so much we share on facebook too, so if any of you are not on my friends list reading this...feel free to ask for a invite:) ANYWAY, we did learn that the birds, which she has so wanted to hear are to high of a pitch so we need to chat about that when we see Jennifer on Monday. The geese were out like crazy and those guys she heard! I think she was ready to kick them:) As we were going from all the exhibits she was just in love with those big animals and amazed at the Bright colors of so many of them. The elephants and monkeys and zebras...OH the apes stole our hearts. As we were walking by the "horse" exhibit, not sure what exactly they were....not a horse not a mule but a ancestor of a horse....they were making their sounds (neigh), Aubrey stopped us because she heard something she wasn't sure what exactly it was. It happened again, I had to quickly pull together my world to think about what was going on and what sounds she could be talking about....as it happened again he turned to see them and that was it....she had never experienced the sounds of a horse! wow, think about that....a simple sound that I have heard a million times....this time was the best of the best! At the end of our day we ended it in the gift shop~~~wow, does Denver have a gift shop, it was two floors. We were on a mission:) A very nice older lady was working there and she immediately came to us and wanted to help us....she says 'now tell me what you need' inside my head I was worried her arms were bigger then my basket!!! So after naming everything we wanted to all the special people back in MONTANA...this woman, says tell me your story, my husband is a doctor. So we shared little pieces of our journey and this woman was now standing in front of me with tears welding in her eyes. She expressed how beautiful Aubrey was and how amazing her voice was....I wanted to take her home with me (she reminded me of the little Sicilian grandma, and she needed to fit in my back pack) Then we talked about her heart surgery and she shared with me that her husband was a cardiologist...OH, this woman was amazing! she was so sweet and so compassionate! So after a huge chunk out of my wallet we were on our way back to the RMH.
******Then she was off again, this time to a LACROSSE game, and that even got a rise out of her, she was excited to hear the buzzer...and she giggled when she had to take off her processor when the woman was screaming at the referees...she was a little angry and very LOUD!!! but it was nice, it was a great experience:)
*****coming home, watching her take off her processor, it was like AHHHH, this is great! Aubz said...that was a great feeling for her. At times just taking it off and being in a quite world:)
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
Today is day number 1!!!!
Wow, where do I even begin? how can I express what is in my heart? My emotions are a mess, I feel sick, I can't eat~~I just tried to drink a cup of coffee tonight, took two sips and dumped it out! and I am NOT even the one who just had her world change!!!
~~So let me give you our day! after a LONG night, no sleep~~we were like 2 little school girls chatting about cute boys:) we woke up and the minutes seemed to be like weeks...we watched the clock and it wasn't moving!! Life was in a stand still, and again I think, I am not the one who's world is changing...and i was emotionally a MESS. I could see inside Aubz was not letting on her inner freaking out! She was giddy and I could tell she was READY:)
Dionne came to pick us up at the RMH, it was nicer then riding that shuttle...but it felt like again, the last ride of silence for my girl! We got there and there was a awesome~~wonderful couple in the waiting room who long story short adopted a beautiful special needs little boy...and his challenges were nothing compared to ours. Watching that little boy smile and play peek a boo with me what such a amazing feeling. He was so full of life and such a happy little man! He made the time go by much faster!!! Finally our name was called...we walked back and we were in the room, Aubrey" "kit" was on the table ( which i called my special FED undercover case) cause it was very slick! Dionne, our mentor from AB ( even though we choose another brand, she and her family supported us all the way! Dionne has been there from DAY one, back when we were planning surgery~~never left our side!! THANKS DIONNE...you guys are AWESOME!!!
~~So where was i, see my mind is totally in a cloud! OH, so they went to turn her on and she was just going to hear the beeps, and that threw me over the edge...I was in tears already...Dionne was a mess as well, she was reminiscing over her sons activation and their journey~~WOW, such a powerful time~~ So lost myself again...uhm, we called dad and had him on speaker phone...he was in our hearts, but was back in Montana, so we called and had him apart of activation day too!! This appointment took took hours, and at one point I was about ready to pass out, I felt like a sweaty mess...I look over and Aubrey has a HUGE smile on her face! She was sitting up straight and had a grin from ear to ear! The computer was hooked up and we were ready~~Jennifer was awesome she was counting on her fingers so Aubrey could be totally aware of life! The two hours was honestly a blur, i remember her plugging in her IPOD and that I was told was amazing, usually people wait for a few months, because music is a whole different story. It is NOT the same as hearing aids or just her ears! here it had been an hour and she was plugging in her tunes, she picked a familiar song and she HEARD it, the smile on her face was freaking AMAZING, nothing could have been better. Then our voices, Daddy says on speaker phone, I LOVE YOU AUBZ, she turns and says I love you to dad~~the flood of emotions washed over me...she was calm~~cool and very collected> I don't know how she was doing it cause i certainly was not holding back any emotions!
As our appointment ended Jennifer did share with us how amazed she was at the volume she was at with Aubrey's implant, NEVER in all her implants has she ever started a activation this loud! Aubrey is ready to hear! This was AWESOME news. I knew truly that this kid was ready to shine, she was ready to hear she was ready to get on with life...she was born ready! She is going to make this journey distinctly different~~Because of her desire and her passion!!
~~~ some conversation she has heard....
We were sitting in our room at RMH and she was on my bed...and Kay (a fellow RMH friend) was sitting by the window...it was about 6 feet?? Kay was looking out the window (the shuttle was letting someone off) and Kay was letting us know who it was....we were of course being nosey:) and she says "ohh, it's that blonde woman....mind you aubz is sitting on my bed, looking at her IPOD....not looking at all towards the window or Kay's direction and her little head pops up and says....what blonde woman, what blonde woman mom are you guys talking about!!!
~~~ Then tonight at dinner, she was being a typical teen she was down eating first...mind you we are in the second floor kitchen of the Ronald McDonald house, lots of people, lots of noise, lots of talking....commotion everywhere! and she got up walked away from the table...I was now behind her still sitting trying to eat dinner...and she was o, about 8 feet away I say....AUBZ she turns and says what?? I say "just checking, i love you"
wow, a amazing day, i have so much to be thankful for...First and Foremost! a little bird who told me about Denver...We would have never known the AMAZING loving compassionate people...Jennifer our audiologist, Stephanie the support....and Dionne, they wonderful woman have made a MASSIVE impact on our life and made footprints on our hearts forever! Children's hospital, Dr. Yoon who did a AMAZING job, such a TINY scar...which to a girl is so important, she barley had to take off much hair. This process is exactly how i want it...Yes, bumps and hiccups are to be expected~~Our friends and family back home in Montana...Seattle..Massachuttes...I feel so honored! Thank you for being with us....all the texts and emails and calls...my friends helped me get through this time without having Frank right here with me!
My mind is still in a cloud, but we will add the video of activation as soon as we figure it out....or once we get home and at my computer...and this blog will not stop, it is a beginning to Aubrey's life....HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO AUBZ. A special side note, today is a day of tears and heartache for a best friend of mine...her daughter, Destiny passed away 9 years ago today...I cannot say i understand your heart, but today will be two special girls day always and forever from today on....I LOVE YOU JESS
~~So let me give you our day! after a LONG night, no sleep~~we were like 2 little school girls chatting about cute boys:) we woke up and the minutes seemed to be like weeks...we watched the clock and it wasn't moving!! Life was in a stand still, and again I think, I am not the one who's world is changing...and i was emotionally a MESS. I could see inside Aubz was not letting on her inner freaking out! She was giddy and I could tell she was READY:)
Dionne came to pick us up at the RMH, it was nicer then riding that shuttle...but it felt like again, the last ride of silence for my girl! We got there and there was a awesome~~wonderful couple in the waiting room who long story short adopted a beautiful special needs little boy...and his challenges were nothing compared to ours. Watching that little boy smile and play peek a boo with me what such a amazing feeling. He was so full of life and such a happy little man! He made the time go by much faster!!! Finally our name was called...we walked back and we were in the room, Aubrey" "kit" was on the table ( which i called my special FED undercover case) cause it was very slick! Dionne, our mentor from AB ( even though we choose another brand, she and her family supported us all the way! Dionne has been there from DAY one, back when we were planning surgery~~never left our side!! THANKS DIONNE...you guys are AWESOME!!!
~~So where was i, see my mind is totally in a cloud! OH, so they went to turn her on and she was just going to hear the beeps, and that threw me over the edge...I was in tears already...Dionne was a mess as well, she was reminiscing over her sons activation and their journey~~WOW, such a powerful time~~ So lost myself again...uhm, we called dad and had him on speaker phone...he was in our hearts, but was back in Montana, so we called and had him apart of activation day too!! This appointment took took hours, and at one point I was about ready to pass out, I felt like a sweaty mess...I look over and Aubrey has a HUGE smile on her face! She was sitting up straight and had a grin from ear to ear! The computer was hooked up and we were ready~~Jennifer was awesome she was counting on her fingers so Aubrey could be totally aware of life! The two hours was honestly a blur, i remember her plugging in her IPOD and that I was told was amazing, usually people wait for a few months, because music is a whole different story. It is NOT the same as hearing aids or just her ears! here it had been an hour and she was plugging in her tunes, she picked a familiar song and she HEARD it, the smile on her face was freaking AMAZING, nothing could have been better. Then our voices, Daddy says on speaker phone, I LOVE YOU AUBZ, she turns and says I love you to dad~~the flood of emotions washed over me...she was calm~~cool and very collected> I don't know how she was doing it cause i certainly was not holding back any emotions!
As our appointment ended Jennifer did share with us how amazed she was at the volume she was at with Aubrey's implant, NEVER in all her implants has she ever started a activation this loud! Aubrey is ready to hear! This was AWESOME news. I knew truly that this kid was ready to shine, she was ready to hear she was ready to get on with life...she was born ready! She is going to make this journey distinctly different~~Because of her desire and her passion!!
~~~ some conversation she has heard....
We were sitting in our room at RMH and she was on my bed...and Kay (a fellow RMH friend) was sitting by the window...it was about 6 feet?? Kay was looking out the window (the shuttle was letting someone off) and Kay was letting us know who it was....we were of course being nosey:) and she says "ohh, it's that blonde woman....mind you aubz is sitting on my bed, looking at her IPOD....not looking at all towards the window or Kay's direction and her little head pops up and says....what blonde woman, what blonde woman mom are you guys talking about!!!
~~~ Then tonight at dinner, she was being a typical teen she was down eating first...mind you we are in the second floor kitchen of the Ronald McDonald house, lots of people, lots of noise, lots of talking....commotion everywhere! and she got up walked away from the table...I was now behind her still sitting trying to eat dinner...and she was o, about 8 feet away I say....AUBZ she turns and says what?? I say "just checking, i love you"
wow, a amazing day, i have so much to be thankful for...First and Foremost! a little bird who told me about Denver...We would have never known the AMAZING loving compassionate people...Jennifer our audiologist, Stephanie the support....and Dionne, they wonderful woman have made a MASSIVE impact on our life and made footprints on our hearts forever! Children's hospital, Dr. Yoon who did a AMAZING job, such a TINY scar...which to a girl is so important, she barley had to take off much hair. This process is exactly how i want it...Yes, bumps and hiccups are to be expected~~Our friends and family back home in Montana...Seattle..Massachuttes...I feel so honored! Thank you for being with us....all the texts and emails and calls...my friends helped me get through this time without having Frank right here with me!
My mind is still in a cloud, but we will add the video of activation as soon as we figure it out....or once we get home and at my computer...and this blog will not stop, it is a beginning to Aubrey's life....HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO AUBZ. A special side note, today is a day of tears and heartache for a best friend of mine...her daughter, Destiny passed away 9 years ago today...I cannot say i understand your heart, but today will be two special girls day always and forever from today on....I LOVE YOU JESS
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
feeling like a ASS
~~Tonight I am just going to talk to myself on this blog~~
As i usually do anyway? i use this more as a journal then a giving information, but I guess I share with you my soul..my aches and pains as a person and a mother!
The video phone has been down since we got here to Denver..I am feeling like NO ONE uses it, or they have experienced the same issues we have and just have let it go. Well you know me, I am not quite nor am I about to let this go. So after many phone calls, meetings and rants and raves~~It is now working! I got sincere apologies and they all had said thank you for bringing this to our attention. They even went as far as setting up sessions and training for ALL the staff on the VP and MARTII (the hospitals computer interpreter. They admitted to letting Aubrey down! which I am glad they are doing training, like I have always said if my tears and heartache help another person, prevent another or family from some of the same heartaches....then it is ALL worth it!
~~So tonight I hurt, my heart hurts so bad! After 1- days the VP is up and working, well Aubrey only has certain times she can call her friends back in Montana. The kids are at school and have activities after school...then another friend never answers her VP or tango or cell phone! She was crushed. She said to me tonight such a strong statement.... "mom, it's crap! you and everyone else can talk on the phone whenever you want, nothing stops you, I cant!" as tears rolled down her cheeks..I was so torn, she was so right! Do we as mom's dad's Friends, sisters...aunts and uncles~~professionals and neighbors we NEED to open our eyes and our hearts~~
~~So coming back to the Ronald McDonald House I could tell she was upset, I wasn't exactly sure what it was but knowing my daughter it was something! big. I came in and read her blog and ughhh my heart fell! I cant make up for it, I cant go back and do it differently~~~But what I can do is make sure the next time....I do it totally different. I need to ALWAYS realize of who is around me~~
As i usually do anyway? i use this more as a journal then a giving information, but I guess I share with you my soul..my aches and pains as a person and a mother!
The video phone has been down since we got here to Denver..I am feeling like NO ONE uses it, or they have experienced the same issues we have and just have let it go. Well you know me, I am not quite nor am I about to let this go. So after many phone calls, meetings and rants and raves~~It is now working! I got sincere apologies and they all had said thank you for bringing this to our attention. They even went as far as setting up sessions and training for ALL the staff on the VP and MARTII (the hospitals computer interpreter. They admitted to letting Aubrey down! which I am glad they are doing training, like I have always said if my tears and heartache help another person, prevent another or family from some of the same heartaches....then it is ALL worth it!
~~So tonight I hurt, my heart hurts so bad! After 1- days the VP is up and working, well Aubrey only has certain times she can call her friends back in Montana. The kids are at school and have activities after school...then another friend never answers her VP or tango or cell phone! She was crushed. She said to me tonight such a strong statement.... "mom, it's crap! you and everyone else can talk on the phone whenever you want, nothing stops you, I cant!" as tears rolled down her cheeks..I was so torn, she was so right! Do we as mom's dad's Friends, sisters...aunts and uncles~~professionals and neighbors we NEED to open our eyes and our hearts~~
~~So coming back to the Ronald McDonald House I could tell she was upset, I wasn't exactly sure what it was but knowing my daughter it was something! big. I came in and read her blog and ughhh my heart fell! I cant make up for it, I cant go back and do it differently~~~But what I can do is make sure the next time....I do it totally different. I need to ALWAYS realize of who is around me~~
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
counting down the days....
~~Good Morning...
I haven't done a very good job of posting here,not my intention at all! I seem to put everything on facebook:) anyhow Denver is beautiful today. The sun is shinning and the sky is blue. Talked to Frank today and he said that it was 25 degrees and snowing~~ugh I am liking this almost summer like weather here!
Well I must say that surgery is NOT at all as bad as I was thinking it was going to be. Aubrey has taken this challenge head on~~she hasn't taken a pain pill in 3 days. yesterday she was doing cartwheels and three days after surgery she was doing yoga!!! the kid is amazing!
I will say she has had a hard time with the nausea and dizziness, but NOT like others~~some have to literally hold the walls to walk anywhere! As of yesterday I would safe it is safe to assume that the worst is over. We saw the surgeon and she said everything is healing beautifully~~There was a concern at one point, I had actually taken her back to the ER. She was slurring her words and really dizzy and having a hard time keeping anything down. They said that she was really dehydrated, so we got some fluids in her! ~~~A SIDE NOTE~~~ I was SO not happy with Children's hosptial emergency department, and they have heard about it. I went straight to the TOP man in charge! I asked for a interpetor when we got in, the doctor says "well you can sign cant you" well, that is not the point I say, I am not going to sign, tonight I want to be her mother so you will need to get a interpetor. They brought in Martii (the hosptial's computer interpetor on wheels. NO ONE had a clue how to run it! My blood was boiling at this point. How do I teach my daughter how to have a voice if this hospital is not willing to support her way of communication. NOT ACCEPTABLE. The doctor asked me wuestions, I am not the patient, I am not the one who is sick...come on now, am i over reacting? NO! NOT AT ALL. Everyone needs to be aware, you may not have to care...thats my job, but you need to have compassion twords others, not be a ignorant ASS. The other issue, since I am on a role now....the hospital's VP (video phone) is not working, nor has it been working since we got here. Most people did NOT even know they had one. NO one had a clue how to fix it! as of today, I think we are working on it, I had talked to the director of public relations and let him know it was NOT acceptable, I could understand if they needed to call at IT guy, or needed some time to call the right people. NOT a week and a half!!!!! that has me very upset! Her dad and sister are not here in Denver, and they need to be apart of this journey too~~~
So where was I?? I went off on a important tangent! (the spell check is not working either on this computer so bear with me:) Friday is activation...we are so excited! Aubrey said to me last night, "mom, I am excited to hear your voice again" ugh that sent me in some tears. I agree! I am so proud of Aubrey and the way she has taken this challange head on! she is a true insperation!!!! ohh, needless to say, The one thing Aubz has missed "hearing" is animals...the birds chirping the dogs barking...well Saturday we are foing to the Denver ZOO!!!! talk anout AMAZING!!!!
I haven't done a very good job of posting here,not my intention at all! I seem to put everything on facebook:) anyhow Denver is beautiful today. The sun is shinning and the sky is blue. Talked to Frank today and he said that it was 25 degrees and snowing~~ugh I am liking this almost summer like weather here!
Well I must say that surgery is NOT at all as bad as I was thinking it was going to be. Aubrey has taken this challenge head on~~she hasn't taken a pain pill in 3 days. yesterday she was doing cartwheels and three days after surgery she was doing yoga!!! the kid is amazing!
I will say she has had a hard time with the nausea and dizziness, but NOT like others~~some have to literally hold the walls to walk anywhere! As of yesterday I would safe it is safe to assume that the worst is over. We saw the surgeon and she said everything is healing beautifully~~There was a concern at one point, I had actually taken her back to the ER. She was slurring her words and really dizzy and having a hard time keeping anything down. They said that she was really dehydrated, so we got some fluids in her! ~~~A SIDE NOTE~~~ I was SO not happy with Children's hosptial emergency department, and they have heard about it. I went straight to the TOP man in charge! I asked for a interpetor when we got in, the doctor says "well you can sign cant you" well, that is not the point I say, I am not going to sign, tonight I want to be her mother so you will need to get a interpetor. They brought in Martii (the hosptial's computer interpetor on wheels. NO ONE had a clue how to run it! My blood was boiling at this point. How do I teach my daughter how to have a voice if this hospital is not willing to support her way of communication. NOT ACCEPTABLE. The doctor asked me wuestions, I am not the patient, I am not the one who is sick...come on now, am i over reacting? NO! NOT AT ALL. Everyone needs to be aware, you may not have to care...thats my job, but you need to have compassion twords others, not be a ignorant ASS. The other issue, since I am on a role now....the hospital's VP (video phone) is not working, nor has it been working since we got here. Most people did NOT even know they had one. NO one had a clue how to fix it! as of today, I think we are working on it, I had talked to the director of public relations and let him know it was NOT acceptable, I could understand if they needed to call at IT guy, or needed some time to call the right people. NOT a week and a half!!!!! that has me very upset! Her dad and sister are not here in Denver, and they need to be apart of this journey too~~~
So where was I?? I went off on a important tangent! (the spell check is not working either on this computer so bear with me:) Friday is activation...we are so excited! Aubrey said to me last night, "mom, I am excited to hear your voice again" ugh that sent me in some tears. I agree! I am so proud of Aubrey and the way she has taken this challange head on! she is a true insperation!!!! ohh, needless to say, The one thing Aubz has missed "hearing" is animals...the birds chirping the dogs barking...well Saturday we are foing to the Denver ZOO!!!! talk anout AMAZING!!!!
Monday, March 14, 2011
post surgery
I am going to start this blog saying Aubrey is my inspiration, she is such a testimony. I have been truly amazed at her strength and termination! She has defeated and tackled this surgery hands down.
Surgery was LONG, so long. My arms ached to hold my daughter. I wanted to brush her hair away from her face and kiss her cheek so bad! I watched the clock..read magazines, used the restroom, texted, facebooked and went to the cafeteria...all that in the first hour! Children's really handles everything so well. Every hour the lead nurse would call me and let me know what part of the surgery they were at. Her vitals were always great~but wow, the minutes felt like years! I was told our surgeon was very meticulous, she was a perfectionist, which honestly made me feel great! The one thing that Dr Yoon had shared with me ahead of time was Aubrey's Cochlea (I didn't get a A in spelling) was not formed all the way~that was the part that would take time, placing the electrodes right in the RIGHT spot. A side note here, NEVER had we been told this...wow, 13 years countless ct's and NO ONE has discovered this? Anyhow, after surgery she came to tell me she got it ~everything was perfect. They had tested the implant and it worked beautifully. 6 long hours, and to hear this I was elated!
Post op was rough, she was a barfy kiddo. Pain wasn't a issue~but queasiness was HORRIBLE! I had a hard time, she really did not want anything to do with me. She was irritated with my signing, if I did something wrong she sure let me know. At one point I had to walk away and fall apart! She NEVER has pushed me away. Always wanted my arms and comforts. I felt helpless, I was so offended, so sad and torn. While I was outside crying I gave myself a reality check. It was NOT me, she just had a pretty big surgery and lots of anesthesia. So that night in the hospital she did well, still fought queasiness, but her highest level of pain was a 4! Yes amazing:) in the morning she still had yet to drink really much, so the doctors told her she was not going to be able to go~~she then decided she had enough and ate a omelet and held it down! Minute by minute she was doing better....By noon nothing had come back up and she was ready to go home...well not really but the Ronald McDonald house!
Today has been a low key day! She didn't have much of a appetite for dinner, but honestly gave it great effort! After her pain meds and night meds she started with the snacks:) and might I add the giggly medicated Aubrey came out! To be honest with you I enjoyed giggling and laughing WITH her! As I look over to her bed now, she has given up and is resting comfortably!
Yes, I will say I was so nervous. No one wants to see their child hurt, or go through surgery! But she has taught me so much with this OnE, I am truly honored to be her mom!!!
Surgery was LONG, so long. My arms ached to hold my daughter. I wanted to brush her hair away from her face and kiss her cheek so bad! I watched the clock..read magazines, used the restroom, texted, facebooked and went to the cafeteria...all that in the first hour! Children's really handles everything so well. Every hour the lead nurse would call me and let me know what part of the surgery they were at. Her vitals were always great~but wow, the minutes felt like years! I was told our surgeon was very meticulous, she was a perfectionist, which honestly made me feel great! The one thing that Dr Yoon had shared with me ahead of time was Aubrey's Cochlea (I didn't get a A in spelling) was not formed all the way~that was the part that would take time, placing the electrodes right in the RIGHT spot. A side note here, NEVER had we been told this...wow, 13 years countless ct's and NO ONE has discovered this? Anyhow, after surgery she came to tell me she got it ~everything was perfect. They had tested the implant and it worked beautifully. 6 long hours, and to hear this I was elated!
Post op was rough, she was a barfy kiddo. Pain wasn't a issue~but queasiness was HORRIBLE! I had a hard time, she really did not want anything to do with me. She was irritated with my signing, if I did something wrong she sure let me know. At one point I had to walk away and fall apart! She NEVER has pushed me away. Always wanted my arms and comforts. I felt helpless, I was so offended, so sad and torn. While I was outside crying I gave myself a reality check. It was NOT me, she just had a pretty big surgery and lots of anesthesia. So that night in the hospital she did well, still fought queasiness, but her highest level of pain was a 4! Yes amazing:) in the morning she still had yet to drink really much, so the doctors told her she was not going to be able to go~~she then decided she had enough and ate a omelet and held it down! Minute by minute she was doing better....By noon nothing had come back up and she was ready to go home...well not really but the Ronald McDonald house!
Today has been a low key day! She didn't have much of a appetite for dinner, but honestly gave it great effort! After her pain meds and night meds she started with the snacks:) and might I add the giggly medicated Aubrey came out! To be honest with you I enjoyed giggling and laughing WITH her! As I look over to her bed now, she has given up and is resting comfortably!
Yes, I will say I was so nervous. No one wants to see their child hurt, or go through surgery! But she has taught me so much with this OnE, I am truly honored to be her mom!!!
post surgery
I am going to start this blog saying Aubrey is my inspiration, she is such a testimony. I have been truly amazed at her strength and termination! She has defeated and tackled this surgery hands down.
Surgery was LONG, so long. My arms ached to hold my daughter. I wanted to brush her hair away from her face and kiss her cheek so bad! I watched the clock..read magazines, used the restroom, texted, facebooked and went to the cafeteria...all that in the first hour! Children's really handles everything so well. Every hour the lead nurse would call me and let me know what part of the surgery they were at. Her vitals were always great~but wow, the minutes felt like years! I was told our surgeon was very meticulous, she was a perfectionist, which honestly made me feel great! The one thing that Dr Yoon had shared with me ahead of time was Aubrey's Cochlea (I didn't get a A in spelling) was not formed all the way~that was the part that would take time, placing the electrodes right in the RIGHT spot. A side note here, NEVER had we been told this...wow, 13 years countless ct's and NO ONE has discovered this? Anyhow, after surgery she came to tell me she got it ~everything was perfect. They had tested the implant and it worked beautifully. 6 long hours, and to hear this I was elated!
Post op was rough, she was a barfy kiddo. Pain wasn't a issue~but queasiness was HORRIBLE! I had a hard time, she really did not want anything to do with me. She was irritated with my signing, if I did something wrong she sure let me know. At one point I had to walk away and fall apart! She NEVER has pushed me away. Always wanted my arms and comforts. I felt helpless, I was so offended, so sad and torn. While I was outside crying I gave myself a reality check. It was NOT me, she just had a pretty big surgery and lots of anesthesia. So that night in the hospital she did well, still fought queasiness, but her highest level of pain was a 4! Yes amazing:) in the morning she still had yet to drink really much, so the doctors told her she was not going to be able to go~~she then decided she had enough and ate a omelet and held it down! Minute by minute she was doing better....By noon nothing had come back up and she was ready to go home...well not really but the Ronald McDonald house!
Today has been a low key day! She didn't have much of a appetite for dinner, but honestly gave it great effort! After her pain meds and night meds she started with the snacks:) and might I add the giggly medicated Aubrey came out! To be honest with you I enjoyed giggling and laughing WITH her! As I look over to her bed now, she has given up and is resting comfortably!
Yes, I will say I was so nervous. No one wants to see their child hurt, or go through surgery! But she has taught me so much with this OnE, I am truly honored to be her mom!!!
Surgery was LONG, so long. My arms ached to hold my daughter. I wanted to brush her hair away from her face and kiss her cheek so bad! I watched the clock..read magazines, used the restroom, texted, facebooked and went to the cafeteria...all that in the first hour! Children's really handles everything so well. Every hour the lead nurse would call me and let me know what part of the surgery they were at. Her vitals were always great~but wow, the minutes felt like years! I was told our surgeon was very meticulous, she was a perfectionist, which honestly made me feel great! The one thing that Dr Yoon had shared with me ahead of time was Aubrey's Cochlea (I didn't get a A in spelling) was not formed all the way~that was the part that would take time, placing the electrodes right in the RIGHT spot. A side note here, NEVER had we been told this...wow, 13 years countless ct's and NO ONE has discovered this? Anyhow, after surgery she came to tell me she got it ~everything was perfect. They had tested the implant and it worked beautifully. 6 long hours, and to hear this I was elated!
Post op was rough, she was a barfy kiddo. Pain wasn't a issue~but queasiness was HORRIBLE! I had a hard time, she really did not want anything to do with me. She was irritated with my signing, if I did something wrong she sure let me know. At one point I had to walk away and fall apart! She NEVER has pushed me away. Always wanted my arms and comforts. I felt helpless, I was so offended, so sad and torn. While I was outside crying I gave myself a reality check. It was NOT me, she just had a pretty big surgery and lots of anesthesia. So that night in the hospital she did well, still fought queasiness, but her highest level of pain was a 4! Yes amazing:) in the morning she still had yet to drink really much, so the doctors told her she was not going to be able to go~~she then decided she had enough and ate a omelet and held it down! Minute by minute she was doing better....By noon nothing had come back up and she was ready to go home...well not really but the Ronald McDonald house!
Today has been a low key day! She didn't have much of a appetite for dinner, but honestly gave it great effort! After her pain meds and night meds she started with the snacks:) and might I add the giggly medicated Aubrey came out! To be honest with you I enjoyed giggling and laughing WITH her! As I look over to her bed now, she has given up and is resting comfortably!
Yes, I will say I was so nervous. No one wants to see their child hurt, or go through surgery! But she has taught me so much with this OnE, I am truly honored to be her mom!!!
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Night before surgery
Well here we are! Wow, what a crazy day~we got to the airport early, like u are suppose to~then we were told our plane was 2 hours late, goodness! We were ready to go, I wanted to get this journey going!! So we read, Aubz worked on her homework...we played on our phones....then that announcement came, it was time to board! Yahoo, we were a few steps closer! I must admit, while trying to stay cool, I was a mixture of a mess inside~flying to me is scary. Following directions is about impossible..I was missing the lead of my Frank!
We board the plane, mind you this is all new to Aubrey, she hasn't been on a airplane since her open heart surgery 13 and a half years ago!!! Experiencing this with her was only beginning. Looking out the windows, seeing the world below us, the blankets of snow that went on and on and on! Going threw the clouds, coming out the other side to a blanket of blue sky. As we took of I felt a ball of emotion..I felt that lump in my throat, then the tears just took over! The last 13 years played in my mind. Remembering the day we brought her home, so excited, our baby we tried so hard to have was home with us..her first steps, watching her grow~this moment is Massive to us, this moment in our life is almost indescribable~~
The Denver airport is NOTHING like my Montana airport, I was overwhelmed getting off. The amount of people, signs..food places,stairs,elevators and a TRAM. We rode that for a while, got off and then walked forever...wow, I was panicking inside..looking for Momma Moe...but then I started stressing again, would she recognize me? Oh my mind was spinning. Aubrey was lost too...trying to read me, and figure out where to go! All in all we found mamma Moe! We came to the RMH, ate dinner then off to target to get the goods! I knew I needed pillows~i remembered from last time they were not what I was used to! And Aubz needed her body pillow! Got back here and we got all the goods put away...came to crash and watch some TV, well that was a FLOP and it is going to be a LONG three weeks so - hope a answer can be found! The TV, we can't get the captions on...some guy came and tried and tried but failed. So that was some tense moments! There has to be a way to get it figured out, I will talk with the hospital tomorrow...maybe they can help!
Well early to rise, the shuttle is picking us up at 615. Check in at 630 surgery at 830! I will keep everyone posted ..I am shouting out to Mamma Moe, she made a awesome goodie basket for Aubz, it was more then perfect! What a great welcome to Denver:)Night everyone
We board the plane, mind you this is all new to Aubrey, she hasn't been on a airplane since her open heart surgery 13 and a half years ago!!! Experiencing this with her was only beginning. Looking out the windows, seeing the world below us, the blankets of snow that went on and on and on! Going threw the clouds, coming out the other side to a blanket of blue sky. As we took of I felt a ball of emotion..I felt that lump in my throat, then the tears just took over! The last 13 years played in my mind. Remembering the day we brought her home, so excited, our baby we tried so hard to have was home with us..her first steps, watching her grow~this moment is Massive to us, this moment in our life is almost indescribable~~
The Denver airport is NOTHING like my Montana airport, I was overwhelmed getting off. The amount of people, signs..food places,stairs,elevators and a TRAM. We rode that for a while, got off and then walked forever...wow, I was panicking inside..looking for Momma Moe...but then I started stressing again, would she recognize me? Oh my mind was spinning. Aubrey was lost too...trying to read me, and figure out where to go! All in all we found mamma Moe! We came to the RMH, ate dinner then off to target to get the goods! I knew I needed pillows~i remembered from last time they were not what I was used to! And Aubz needed her body pillow! Got back here and we got all the goods put away...came to crash and watch some TV, well that was a FLOP and it is going to be a LONG three weeks so - hope a answer can be found! The TV, we can't get the captions on...some guy came and tried and tried but failed. So that was some tense moments! There has to be a way to get it figured out, I will talk with the hospital tomorrow...maybe they can help!
Well early to rise, the shuttle is picking us up at 615. Check in at 630 surgery at 830! I will keep everyone posted ..I am shouting out to Mamma Moe, she made a awesome goodie basket for Aubz, it was more then perfect! What a great welcome to Denver:)Night everyone
Friday, March 11, 2011
Good Morning...
Last night, Aubrey and I had the chance to just lay on her bed and chat, it was so awesome to just enjoy some moments before life gets crazy! A friend of hers ~~ Who is 18 just got her implant activated and has so great about sharing with Aubrey her experience and what to expect what bothers her...and how it changed her life. Aubrey said that hearing T's experience has made it much more real for her, she is even more excised about this process. She was telling me about the toilet never will be the same...When T goes to the bathroom the sound of the toilet flushing is still overwhelming to her and she takes her implant off~~~Think about that, really how awesome! Then we spent time chatting about the animals...Aubrey wonders if she will hear the cat purr? the ducks and birds. She was excited about starting my car in the mornings:) you see that has always been something she enjoys to do...but in recent years I have had to stop her, when i use my ears and hear the grinding of the engine...gave me a little worry about my car! Aurbey isn't able to know when the car has started. Especially since so many of today's cars are so quite~~heck even for me it can be a challenge. But she hated not being able to run out and start daddy's car for him on chilly mornings:)
My girls are amazing...I am so anxious for life to begin on a different note for Aubrey:) stay tuned I will be posting as we are in Denver. Surgery is Monday and activation is the 25Th....
Last night, Aubrey and I had the chance to just lay on her bed and chat, it was so awesome to just enjoy some moments before life gets crazy! A friend of hers ~~ Who is 18 just got her implant activated and has so great about sharing with Aubrey her experience and what to expect what bothers her...and how it changed her life. Aubrey said that hearing T's experience has made it much more real for her, she is even more excised about this process. She was telling me about the toilet never will be the same...When T goes to the bathroom the sound of the toilet flushing is still overwhelming to her and she takes her implant off~~~Think about that, really how awesome! Then we spent time chatting about the animals...Aubrey wonders if she will hear the cat purr? the ducks and birds. She was excited about starting my car in the mornings:) you see that has always been something she enjoys to do...but in recent years I have had to stop her, when i use my ears and hear the grinding of the engine...gave me a little worry about my car! Aurbey isn't able to know when the car has started. Especially since so many of today's cars are so quite~~heck even for me it can be a challenge. But she hated not being able to run out and start daddy's car for him on chilly mornings:)
My girls are amazing...I am so anxious for life to begin on a different note for Aubrey:) stay tuned I will be posting as we are in Denver. Surgery is Monday and activation is the 25Th....
Sunday, March 6, 2011
one week and counting....
Goodness gracious....we are ONE week away from surgery! Our families life is about to change! Most of all my girl~~her life is about to become everything and more!
This morning i woke up to my nerves, I am so nervous and anxious...I hope it will be what I think..I only pray for amazing things, but i also have those mother worries! What about her headaches, what if nothing changes, what if she has complications....but all in all I truly understand that those feelings are normal...my daughter is having surgery!
These headaches are crazy, I hate hate hate seeing Aubrey struggle so much. We have seen the neurologist and we are increasing her medications, and have a standing order for Toradol in her file....but in all reality, we have yet to find something that is helping. One thing that Frank and I noticed is her pupils get huge when she is having a headaches, and that is the "cue" for the school nurse, she See's Aubrey's headache....well we found out that is how her body reacts to the pain! wow, guess you cant lie about a headache! SO, I spoke with our audiologist, explained to her my fears...Dr. Yoon will be calling me this week...but she said it is not predictable, just because you get a implant doesn't mean you are going to suffer from headaches for the rest of your life. But on the flip side to that so many of the posts i see are talking about the pain of the headache and how horrible it is!
On a different note....My Madeline is having a hard time with mommy leaving for so long! she wrote me a letter and told me i cant read it until i am on the airplane:) so sweet, she got that idea from me. This morning I was going crazy, making lists and writing notes! I cant imagine three weeks away from the family...its honestly not even three weeks, it is 17 days...ohh man!
~~In the mist of all of this...insurance has been cleared BUT, they are not impressed with me...they don't understand why Dr. Vondorsten, who is in Missoula which is 3 hours away from us...why he will not preform this CI. Geesh I have not a clue! and after he called me and told me how horrible i was as a parent, he can jump off a bridge. His opinions do NOT matter to me! I think it is crazy I am the one being questioned about it! I finally asked for the board of medicals staff and I will be writing them a letter...I have enough on my plate to deal with...
This morning i woke up to my nerves, I am so nervous and anxious...I hope it will be what I think..I only pray for amazing things, but i also have those mother worries! What about her headaches, what if nothing changes, what if she has complications....but all in all I truly understand that those feelings are normal...my daughter is having surgery!
These headaches are crazy, I hate hate hate seeing Aubrey struggle so much. We have seen the neurologist and we are increasing her medications, and have a standing order for Toradol in her file....but in all reality, we have yet to find something that is helping. One thing that Frank and I noticed is her pupils get huge when she is having a headaches, and that is the "cue" for the school nurse, she See's Aubrey's headache....well we found out that is how her body reacts to the pain! wow, guess you cant lie about a headache! SO, I spoke with our audiologist, explained to her my fears...Dr. Yoon will be calling me this week...but she said it is not predictable, just because you get a implant doesn't mean you are going to suffer from headaches for the rest of your life. But on the flip side to that so many of the posts i see are talking about the pain of the headache and how horrible it is!
On a different note....My Madeline is having a hard time with mommy leaving for so long! she wrote me a letter and told me i cant read it until i am on the airplane:) so sweet, she got that idea from me. This morning I was going crazy, making lists and writing notes! I cant imagine three weeks away from the family...its honestly not even three weeks, it is 17 days...ohh man!
~~In the mist of all of this...insurance has been cleared BUT, they are not impressed with me...they don't understand why Dr. Vondorsten, who is in Missoula which is 3 hours away from us...why he will not preform this CI. Geesh I have not a clue! and after he called me and told me how horrible i was as a parent, he can jump off a bridge. His opinions do NOT matter to me! I think it is crazy I am the one being questioned about it! I finally asked for the board of medicals staff and I will be writing them a letter...I have enough on my plate to deal with...
Thursday, March 3, 2011
~~Happy Thursday Morning~~
It feels like it has been a crazy few weeks, and now I am starting to get us ready to go to Denver for surgery! wow, this time has come faster then I thought! Packing is getting my anxiety going...thinking how am i going to pack three weeks of stuff in little bags, or without going broke! but alas, I can do it!
Well, last week Miss Madeline LOST her hearing aid...again! its only like the 800th time! That kiddo, just is NOT getting it. espeically since we know it helps her so much! keeping track of it is more then difficult for her. I came home yesterday to start some laundry and shorting clothes....out of the corner of my eye i saw the aid fly through the air! Long story short the dog got it and now it is totally destroyed!
~~On the other hand~~
10 days till Denver...wow time is creeping up!! 11 days till surgery...WOW. so excited!! I dont think Aubrey has a nervous bone in her body...she is SO excited! That does make it easier for me:) GO AUBZ
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